Dyketastic

I'm baaack!

2008-05-19T06:23:00.002-05:00

Did you miss me, my darlings?

In the wake of my birthday celebration, my upcoming college graduation, and my real world jobs I have not been able to give Dyketastic the devotion it deserves. But I love you all who have continued to pay attention to my little blog and my commentary on the world around me.

So, while I have missed several key events in the lesbian world, I will be posting some "back posts." Meaning, I will be making extensive commentary on things that happened in the past week with back dated posts. Mostly to make room for the upcoming ranting. And, oh hell yes, trust me. There is some upcoming ranting.

So, as a special notice to anyone who has been missing me, shoot me an email. The address is: dyketastic [at] gmail.com. If you send me an email and tell me one thing you missed about me, I will grant you a wish. Within reason. If there is something special you would like me to talk about or something about me you would like to know I will answer - within reason. No naked pictures guys. That's between me and my parole officer.

Email me and keep reading! I love all of you!

Dyke-con of the Week!

2008-05-17T06:33:00.001-05:00

Name: Cat Cora

Why she is a Dyke-con: I can't cook to save my life, but that hasn't stopped me from being obsessed with cooking shows and the Food Network. Cat Cora is the first female American Iron Chef. In addition to being a television personality, she is also an executive chef, philantrophist, lesbian, mother and one sexy woman. She is an out and proud lesbian who lives with her partner Jennifer and their sons Zoran and Caje.

To learn more about Cat Cora, read this article at After Ellen.

Photo Source: Food Network

Jackie Warner Coming to Chicago!

2008-05-16T01:00:00.003-05:00

Jackie Warner will be in Chicago tonight!

Funny story, the real reason Jackie is going to be here is my roommate. Her friend is one of the major forces behind Chix Mix, and knowing my roommate's unnatural love for Jackie Warner she intervened and booked the Work Out hottie for a night of fun. I hope to see you all there tonight. I know I'll be there. Or else, my roommate might kill me.

Brian Peeler is Fired!

2008-05-08T14:40:00.003-05:00

Buh-Bye you homophobic bastard! Jackie Warner fired Brian Peeler! It's about time. He claims she's disrepectful, but every other word out of his mouth is insulting Jackie for one reason or another.

Here's what Jackie said in a Myspace bulletin about kicking his ass to the curb:

"Last nights episode-to clear up a couple of things. I did not make a derogatory remark about Brian Peelers client on camera or off-camera. The only reason he tried to bring it up to me on camera is to villainise me and set me up for something I didn't do. Lisa did not know this woman had cancer and made a comment about her breasts which she apologized for. I have dealt with cancer personally as well as watched my mother struggle with it so I am very sensitive about this disease. I have been employed in the past and in a million years would not have behaved the way Brian behaved with me. I can't imagine raising my voice or refusing to leave my boss' office when asked politely to do so. I feel totally justified in firing him. I have always personally disliked him but was forced to continue to employ him because he was chosen by the producers for the show. Please remember that this is a show and that 90% of the beautiful and inspiring work we did was left on the cutting room floor. The producers decided (regretably) to create through editing a very different and what I think a very negative show. This season is not in any way a reflection of what I or SkySport represents. I have spent a great part of my life trying to heal and am just as floored as you, the viewers, by the negative editing.

On a lighter note, I thought Erica looked beautiful during her shoot and it was a great self-esteem builder. Gregg B and Deenie are just not fitting! SkyLab is challenging and getting off to a rocky start but some powerful changes are yet to come.

Thank you-Jackie Warner"

Photo Source: Bravo

Could Farmer Wants a Wife get any Trashier? Why, yes it can!

2008-05-08T01:00:00.000-05:00

I was watching Farmer Wants a Wife last night wondering, is it possible for the show to get any trashier? Is it possible for Josie to get any crazier? Why yes. Yes it is all possible.

At the end of the show, the farmer took all the girls to play bingo. But it turned into an elimination challenge. Josie managed to offend everyone in the room. Then Josie was completely confused about why she wasn't picked. And then she called him cheap because he picked her flowers instead of buying them. I would appreciate picked flowers more than bought flowers - it would show she took the time to pick and select something as hard to find as flora in the city. Then she demanded a present! A present?! I'll give you a present - a swift kick to the ass!

She kept refusing to leave and told them to call the sherrif if they were going to have her removed. She tried to call Matt but he told her she needed to go to the airport. Finally, she left. After terrifying the girls, Matt and Matt's friends. This girl is worse than Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. The worse Glenn Close did was boil a rabbit, I'd be afraid Josie would light the fields on fire and eat the chickens alive. Actually, she'd probably use the chicken blood for her satanic Republican rituals.

After Josie left, Matt went on his date with one girl while the other girls went out to a bar. Some of the girls were talking trash about the other girls who were talking with other men. Good lord! You're on a dating reality show! You're all desperate and everyone in America knows it! Besides, Brooke is my virgin queen. She's not going to let Matt go for a sixty-something farmer with a trucker hat. She wants the twenty-something farmer with a trucker hat.

Speaking of Brooke, has anyone else noticed how much Brooke looks like Jamie Lynn Spears? It's actually kind of starting to freak me out a little.

Photo Source: Rebecca Murray (Jamie Lynn Picture), CWTV

Black Chucks are the new Faux-Hawk

2008-05-07T20:34:00.003-05:00

Sorry I've been absent the past few days everyone. My birthday is coming up and some of my friends have been helping my celebrate to the fullest extent. So finally, I'm back. And from my drunken escapades, I have gained some wisdom about Chicago lesbians. Every twenty-something lesbian I know in this city owns a pair of black Chucks.

I don't know when this happened but we figured it out the other day. A couple friends and I were having a beer or two in my kitchen when we noticed we were all wearing the same pair of shoes. The next day I went out to play pool and I noticed once again, all my friends were wearing black Chucks.

At some point, I think a universal lesbian memo went out for black Chucks. It's like a couple years ago when all the girls got faux-hawks. Then they all got mullets. Then they got a hair style that blended the two and I can only describe as the "faux-mu-hawk-let."

So join the dyketastic masses and buy your black Chucks today!

Gay Idol is in full force tonight!

2008-05-07T03:00:00.000-05:00

Gay Idol 2008, the 6th annual karaoke contest by Windy City Media and Bud Light, continues tonight!

Up to 20 contestants will compete at Atmosphere tonight to win $100 and a coveted spot in the semi-finals. The final winner will receive $1,000, prizes included airline tickets from American Airlines and the coveted title of Gay Idol.

I'm a huge fan of karaoke, even though I have absolutely no singing ability. So it's definitely a treat to watch amateur singers with talent...or those who think they have talent...rock the mic.

Come check out Gay Idol tonight:
@mosphere
5355 N. Broadway
8 pm sign up/9 pm start

For more information about Gay Idol, click here.

My NewNowNext Awards Picks

2008-05-03T13:11:00.004-05:00

The NewNowNext Awards for LOGO celebrate the Best in Gay and Lesbian Pop Culture. The categories are brilliant and entirely appropriate from "Cause You're Hot" to "Most Addictive Reality Star." Here are my picks for 2008:

Brink of Fame Actor: Ellen Page
OMFG Internet Award: I'm F***ing Ben Affleck
Best Show You're Not Watching: Bad Girls
Most Guiltiest Pleasure: Janice Dickinson's Modeling Agency
Most Addictive Reality Star: Christian Siriano "Project Runway"
Most Totally Rad Sickest Blog Ever: Dlisted.com
Cause You're Hot: Tiny Fey
Brink of Fame Comic: Julie Goldman
Brink of Fame Music Artist: The Cliks
Best Future Feature: Finn's Girl
Brink of Fame Filmmaker: Jamie Babbitt
The Kylie Award Next International Crossover: Sia
BreakOut Destination: Tel Aviv, Israel
Brink of Fame Author: T. Cooper
Because You Deserve an Award: Margaret Cho

To vote and see a full list of nominees, click here.

Tune in to LOGO on June 7th at 9pm to see who wins!

Shot at Love - Just Shoot Me

2008-05-03T12:19:00.006-05:00

The second episode of Shot at Love with Tila Tequila was full of drama, but not very dyketastic. It's really just a bunch of drinking and fighting. If I wanted to see that, I'd just go to Star Gaze on Friday night for salsa night. There's always a lot of drinking and I usually manage to see at least one fight every time I go.

To see who got to spend private time with Tila, they played "Oh Craps" - a strip dice game. It was hilarious to watch the guy's reactions as the girls got down to bras and thongs. I think they forgot for a moment who Tila was. The winners were the final guy and girl with the most clothes on - George and Kristy. They had private time in her club, but it didn't last long. Suddenly everyone is in the club and going crazy. Samantha saw the stripper pole and demonstrated her working girl talents. But she can never replace the love I have for Frenchy. There can only be room for one trashy stripper on a reality television show - and that's Frenchy. Everyone is screaming, drinking and dancing in Tila's private club. That's when the police show up.

The crowd inside yelled at the police, but Tila knew how to save the day. She flirted with the cop telling him she needs, "a real man." He wasn't having it and gave her a ticket anyway. Are you serious!? I just find that offensive. It's like the Dairy Queen commercial where the little girl flirts with a boy to get a free sundae. Women should not have to use their sexuality to get what they want from men. It's demeaning. That said, I have flirted for a free drink or two. But when it comes to the cops I at least know how to cry on cue.

Chad once again proved he is the most disgusting man alive. As all of them have to share a bed. He decides to let a fart out and wave it over to the girls side. Poor girls! I have all new sympathy for them. Especially because Christian looks like an alcoholic. The next morning, he was already getting into the vodka. Good lord, even I know when to take a break. Luckily, Tila had set up a recovery room for them with food and oxygen tanks.

The rest of the episode continued without anything interesting happening. The "buy my love" challenge was boring if only because it showed what Tila was really looking for. Someone to spoil her, as she put it. Come on, Tila. Just admit it. You're looking for someone to buy your stripper shoes. Just get a sugar mama. I'm sure there's a female version of

In the end, Tila eliminated Christian and Fame. She wasn't impressed with Christian's ability to hold his liquor. I want to have a drinking contest with him. I have a trained liver of steel - I bet I could match him shot for shot with Jack Daniels. As for Fame, it was pretty obvious she was only interested in getting some television time for her non-existant singing career. And no one can out reality-whore Tila!

Honestly, I'm already getting sick of this show and I don't know how much more I can take. The only girl I'm enjoying looking at is Sirbriana. Although Lisa rocks the tomboy look and she's a softball coach - at least you know she's a real lesbian.

Photo Source: MTV

Dyke-con of the Week!

2008-05-03T01:00:00.001-05:00

Name: Otep Shamaya

Why she is a dyke-con: The singer/songwriter of OTEP is one of the few openly gay women in the metal music scene. Her message is continually "Art Saves." She says art is her god and music her religion.

Otep's album "Servas Tra" was the greatest inspiration when I was in high school and her new album "The Acension" rocks my black cotton socks right off. To listen to some of Otep's music, visit her myspace here.

Photo Source: PR BROWN

Farmer wants a wife, I want a laugh. Everybody wins!

2008-05-01T03:00:00.000-05:00

After watching America's Next Top Model last night, my roommate and I decided to watch the premiere episode of Farmer Wants a Wife. My roommate grew up on a farm and farming is in my family blood, we both have our memories of fields and barns. So we spent most of the time laughing at the women because we know they have no idea what they're getting into. Here's your first lesson ladies - don't wear heels on a farm. You'll lose it in a cow pie.

The women weren't all that attractive. Josie looks like a cross between Miss Piggy and post-mortum Anna Nicole Smith. She calls herself a "ten-plus." Um, well, someone has to think so I guess.

Josie - future patient on Celebrity Rehab

Matt the farmer is really attractive and seems like a decent guy. My roommate and I agreed - we want to be friends with him. We want to take him to "Hogs and Honeys" in Chicago to do shots and ride the mechanical bull. Every guy needs a couple of dykes to help him pick up girls.

Matt - with his shirt on

As for who will be the wife, I'm calling it now. Brooke is going to win. She's got the country girl accent from Texas, she wants children, she's even a virgin! She's going to win. And then she's going to leave him two months later because the only local bar can't mix a decent cosmo.

Brooke - Farmer's future ex-wife

The elimination was the trashiest thing I've ever scene and I love it. The women had to check under a chicken to see if they had the egg. Luckily, he's keeping Josie aroung for another episode. You know the producers took him aside and made him keep her for ratings. Stephanie went home - but who cares? This show is all about Josie and Brooke.

Photo Source: CWTV

ANTM tries to fulfill my Xena fantasies

2008-05-01T02:01:00.000-05:00

America's Next Top Model almost ruined my last relationship. Whenever there was a marathon on, I was glued to screen. I could hear my girlfriend yelling at me from the kitchen, "You love Tyra more than you love me!" No, I didn't. I loved Kim more than her. I just want to be Tyra's best friend. I want to be the Gayle to her Oprah. Call me, Ty-Ty!

This season is depressingly non-dyketastic. Where are my hot androgynous women? Where are the lesbians? Or at least a hot red-head struggling with her sexuality like a couple seasons back? But last night's episode gave me a little something. The girls dressed up as gladiators for a photo shoot challenge. Oh hell yes! It was like five hot Xena look-alikes! Yes! Thank you, Tyra.

I have a long lasting relationship with Xena. When I was in seventh grade, my mother made me stop watching it and took away my Callisto action figure because it "wasn't lady like." I think she just suspected my secret fantasy of becoming Xena and seducing Callisto away from evil. But she could always stay a little evil...wait, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, America's Next Top Model.

In the end, Katarzina went home. I'll miss her. She was so beautiful...and I'll admit it, those Eastern Bloc women get me everytime.

Photo Source: CWTV

Lesbos sues Lesbos

2008-04-30T17:09:00.000-05:00

Two citizens on the Greek island of Lesbos (a.k.a. Levos) are suing a GLBT group to enjoin them from using the word "lesbian." They are claiming that heterosexual citizens of the island have suffered "psychological and moral rape" by being called Lesbians.

The Island of Lesbos

There is something really wrong with the people who have filed this lawsuit. Are you so insecure in your sexuality that you can't stand the word lesbian? Seriously. What term would they rather us use? Dyke? Actually, I'm okay with that. I'm no longer a lesbian. I'm a dyke. Make you feel better? Didn't think so.

To read more about the Lesbians and lesbians of Lesbos, the Girl in Short Shorts blog has a great post about it. Read it here.

Jackie Warner turns another trainer

2008-04-30T16:40:00.000-05:00

What is it about Jackie Warner that turns all the female trainers into lesbians? Jackie kisses all the ladies, she slept with Rebecca and now what's with Vanessa? Is she still looking for the right man as her bio claims or has she found a lady love in Jackie? I think she has the transformative sexuality of Johnny Depp - you think you're straight and then you work out with Jackie.

The best part of the episode was when Brian Peeler got his ass handed to him. Peeler signed all the male trainers up for the Mud Run. All the guys were doing great - but in the first muscle, Peeler got a "cramp." Yeah, right. You know he was just whining for a little more attention. "Look at me! I'm Peeler! Don't look at Jackie, look at me!" Honestly, I think the reason he keeps having problems with Jackie is he's jealous. The ladies love her and she probably has a bigger dick in her night stand than he's got dangling between his legs. Let it go, Peeler. Jackie will always be twice the man you are.

Erika

There was a sad moment went Jackie sat down with Erika to make sure she's still happy and healthy. She's overcome her bulimia but is struggling with being single. Don't cry, Erika! You're so beautiful! Just push Rebecca off the boat and take the center stage where you belong!

Photo Source: Bravo

Uh Huh Me!

2008-04-30T11:48:00.000-05:00

Leisha Hailey's band Uh Huh Her kicked off their North American tour last night at the Double Door! The tour leads up to the release of their new album "Common Reaction."

The show was absolutely amazing! The opening act wasn't that great. Angie Mattson did what Kristin Hersh and Cat Power have done before and done better. But once Uh Huh Her hit the stage, it was pure magic! Camila Grey and Leisha Hailey were gorgeous and incredibly personable on stage. I can't wait for their new album. They played most of the songs that will be released. Leisha said her favorite was "Wait Another Day." I agree, I can't wait for the album because I loved that song!

During a cigarette break, I made friends with Mark, their sound guy. He was nice enough to give me the set list after the show! Even better, Camila Grey and Leisha Hailey both signed it. When I was face to face with Leisha, I had a total blank. She asked me what the date was and I couldn't think of it to save my life. Hell, if she'd asked me my name I probably couldn't have thought of it. Both she and Camila were super sweet!

It was insane trying to get them to sign anything though. The stairwell up to meet them was packed! I actually got wedged in between bodies several times and was completely stuck. And let me tell ya, that is not a comfortable position to be in and especially not with a broken rib. Some of the girls went viscious! Yelling, screaming, insulting each other - even throwing some elbows! Look, I love Leisha Hailey, too. But for the love of all that is unholy, calm down, ladies!

Check out the tour dates and make sure you see Uh Huh Her! I promise it will be an amazing show!

Blogger Seeks Decent Personals Ads

2008-04-29T13:21:00.000-05:00

When I worked at a coffee shop and it was a slow day, my friend Eric and I would go through the Chicago Reader matches section and read all the personals. Then we would match up our co-workers with people we thought would be their perfect match...and occasionally our perfect revenge for when they failed to properly label the food after taking it out of the freezer. That's right, you! I still remember those wasted cinnamon rolls!

Anyway, I left that job a long time ago but I still love going through the Chicago Reader. More than once I have stumbled across a personal ad placed by someone I know. That's always a hilarious find. So being the kind, sensitive, and discreet person I am, I clip it and put it on my fridge door. As I was reading the matches today, I thought I should share with you all my list of do's and don'ts for placing a personal ad in the paper:

Do spell check. I can tell you right now, anyone who can not correctly spell 50 words will never get a phone call from me.

Do not use any variations of the phrases "more cushion for the pushin'" or "more to hold on to." If you are slightly overweight or chubby like me, use phrases like curvy or voluptious.

I swear to all that is unholy, if you are one of the people that include trite lyrics from a Morissey song that "changed your life," just go sit in a dark room and cry. If you have to use someone else's words to describe yourself, then you should probably be placing a personal ad in the "Self-Awareness Weekly" and not the Chicago Reader.

Do not say you have a great personality. I'm sure you do, but saying so is like a personals ad code word for so-ugly-even-Gary-Coleman-wouldn't-touch-me.

MiRod Tells All

2008-04-28T14:16:00.001-05:00

In a new Myspace post today, Michelle Rodriguez is answering her fans questions. No, she doesn't give us any answers about whether she's dyketastic or not but she does give away some beauty secrets and talk about how she became an actress. My favorite thing she said though, was in response to a fan asking what type of character she would love to play. She said:

"I'd like to see a kick ass believable action pact character come to life, one that doesn't get captured so a guy can save her, one who doesn't get raped as a motivation for her adventure. A girl that owns herself, answers to no one but herself, and gets to jump out of windows, fly planes, race cars, and have a crew of kick ass friends that she actually gets along with instead of fight against over some guy. In short I'd like to be in an action flick where my character isn't compromised morally, sexually, or intellectually. A character I can actually like and admire completely instead of partially like most."

Now that is a movie I would love to see! And if anyone could embody the ideal empowered feminist character, it would be MiRod. Write it, direct it and star in it, MiRod! Make a movie for your sisters!

Read more of MiRod's responses here.

MiRod Gossip

2008-04-28T13:58:00.001-05:00

MiRod was seen out last night with a female friend at Marix Tex in West Hollywood. She seems to be enjoying female companionship lately, according to Buzz Foto. A few months ago, she was out at DJ Samantha Ronson's (Lohan's alleged girlfriend) birthday party, allegedly with five women! Was it a group of friends or was it women unable to resist the dyketastic MiRod? Even more amazing, there are rumors she's been hanging out with Otep - one of my favorite performers of all time. If you haven't heard her new album "The Ascension" with her cover of Nirvana's Breed, then you don't know what you're missing.

MiRod and Otep?

I don't know if that makes me happy or sad. It makes me happy because I love them both but it makes me sad because it's not fair! If they got together, then what hope is there for me? None! That's what sucks when two beautiful, strong women get together - there's nothing left for the lonely unattractive women like me.

The Sexiest Women in the World

2008-04-27T20:00:00.001-05:00

FHM has just released a list of the 100 sexiest women in the world. Some of them are fitting, some of them are ridiculous.

Appropriately titled sexy women:
Megan Fox (1)
Angelina Jolie (12)
Mila Kanellis (84)

Funny thing about Megan Fox, she is my age. She's actually five days younger than me. That's just a little depressing - she's hot and amazing. And I'm a blogger. Sigh.

Megan Fox

Who the hell decided they were sexy women:
Kim Kardashian (17)
Britney Spears (100)
Tara Reid (56)
Paris Hilton (77)

Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian is only famous because she has a big ass and a sex tape. She's basically a brunette version of Paris Hilton who is only famous for being blond and having a sex tape. Who made these women famous and who the hell voted them as sexy? I'd be afraid to touch them with someone else's hand just in case the STDs they've collected over the years have turned their bodily fluids into corrosive acid.

And how does Tara Reid outrank Mila Kanellis? She hasn't done anything in the last five years except get drunk and talk about her botched plastic surgery. Mila actually has a successful acting career without a bad boob job.

Finally, Britney Spears. Apparently, there are some people still out there who would use a Jerry Springer cast list as a dating service. Good for you. Someone has to date them so they can have children. How else will they get to Maury for the free paternity test?

Photo Source: FHM, Myspace

A Shot at Love makes me glad I'm gay

2008-04-26T12:24:00.001-05:00

I want you all to know, I'm only watching this for you. For you, you lovely dykes who read this. I didn't watch the first season because I find the whole thing offensive. Everyone watched the first season to see if Tila chose a man or a woman, all the straight people treated it as conclusive evidence of whether a bisexual was really straight or gay. The gay community doesn't need a Myspace reality whore misguiding people about us.

But, in the end, I realized this blog needs updates on Tila. So, I'm watching it. For you!

The lesbians weren't all that hot. Most of them looked like bleached blond sorority girls. At first, I was digging on Serenity. I like the faux-hawk, I even thought she could be the next Dani. But then she made at attempt at comedy. And then she made out with Lili. I had also liked Lili, too. She was sweet and emotional. During the talent show, she came out in a gorilla suit. Tila like it and said, "I like a bushy girl." But after she caught them kissing, Tila wasn't pleased. She told them, "Give me back my key and get the f*** out of my house." Get gone girls!

Serenity

Tila also eliminated Tarra, Janny, Tashi and Rada. Why the hell did you eliminate Rada! She was the hottest dyke there! No! Every purpose I had for watching this show is gone. Rada, call me. You're too hot for Tila anyway.

Rada

The guys were all idiots. The biggest idiot was Chad. He actually made the comment, "Girls love wang-bones. That's why the have strap-ons." What now? First of all, who calls their penis a wang-bone? What the hell is a wang-bone? Secondly, I'll tell Chad what I told my guy friend when he asked about strap-ons. I can buy a bigger penis in any shape or color at the store tomorrow, but you're still going to be stuck with what you've got. And I'm guessing in Chad's case, that's pretty disappointing.

Chad

That pretty much set the standard for the guys. All of them, were looking for one way or another to show Tila's their dicks. Bo announced, "The boy team was here to kick some lesbian ass." And Nick tried to give her what he called "the ultimate gift" - his dick in a box. I spent most of the time looking down at my freet waiting for it to be over.

In the end, she decided to eliminate Nick, Matt, Jeremy, Chris, Mason and Greg - one half of the twins. I may continue to watch this show, even without Rada. If only because if the guys continue to act like idiots it serves as just one more reminder I'm happy I'm a lesbian.

Photo Source: MTV

Dyke-con of the Week!

2008-04-26T12:11:00.000-05:00

Name: Cyndi Lauper

Why she is a Dyke-con: Cyndi is the power behind the True Colors Tour. The True Colors Tour brings together great musical acts to raise awareness for the GLBT community. The 2008 performers include Cyndi Lauper, The B-52’s, Rosie O’Donnell, Regina Spektor, Andy Bell of Erasure, Tegan and Sara, Carson Kressley, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Indigo Girls, Wanda Sykes, Joan Armatrading, Deborah Cox, The Cliks, The Puppini Sisters, Nona Hendryx, Kate Clinton and Girl in a Coma.

For tour dates and ticket information, visit the True Colors homepage.

Have a Dyketastic Birthday, Kelly Clarkson!

2008-04-24T11:30:00.000-05:00

Today, the originial American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson turns 26. In honor of her birthday, I've decided to post some of the lesbian rumors that have swirled around the singer for years.

Jonathan Jaxson, former celebrity publicist, claims Kelly is a lesbian and her family has been supportive of her lifestyle. But her record company isn't so thrilled. Rumor has it they are disappointed with her last album and upset with her threats to come out as a lesbian.
During her duet with Reba McEntire CMT, Kelly changed the lyrics in her song "Since You've Been Gone" from "It wasn't long till I called you mine" to "It wasn't long till I called her mine." A subtle admission, perhaps?
Kelly told Blender magazine she's only kissed five boys in her lifetime. Five? I've kissed more boys than her. To me, that suggests she's either a prude or just doesn't dig stubble burn on her chin.

I'm a huge fan of Kelly Clarkson, I even liked her last album "My December." And the video for her song, "Never Again," was hotness. I don't care if she's gay or not, she's a strong woman and that is sexy.

Photo Source: Elle magazine

Tegan and Sara Rock Late Night Television

2008-04-24T03:04:00.000-05:00

Tegan and Sara were amazing on Jay Leno last night. They played the title track off their new album "The Con." Since getting the album, that song has easily become one of my favorite Tegan and Sara songs of all time. The top five right now are The Con, Knife Going In (also off The Con album), Living Room, Speak Slow and Take Me Anywhere.

Did you miss the show? No worries!

Click here to see their performance!

Tegan and Sara on Leno tonight!

2008-04-23T03:00:00.000-05:00

Tegan and Sara will be performing tonight on Jay Leno!

Tune in to NBC at 10:35 pm CST to see the dyketastic duo rock late night television! I'm setting my DVR, now!

Photo Source: Tegan and Sara's Myspace

Lohan Gone Lesbo?

2008-04-22T11:51:00.000-05:00

DListed is reporting today that Lindsay Lohan's friendship with DJ Samantha Ronson may be a lesbian affair complete with dyketastic drama.

Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan

While Samantha was spinning at Beatrice Inn in New York City on Friday night, Ashley Olsen hung around the booth to chat. Well, Lindsay wasn't going to let anyone near her lady while she was around and allegedly yelled at Ashley, "Get your 15-year-old 'Full House' ass away from my girlfriend." No offense, Lindsay, but you're one to talk. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen? Anyone else remember that?

There are also rumors Lindsey is so head-over-heels for Samantha that she created a Facebook page with the name "Lindsay Ronson."

Samantha Ronson

If the stories are true, then Lindsay is showing all the signs of an insecure dykelet. We all remember that first relationship with a woman. I alternated between insecurity everytime she talked with another girl and blind adoration that had me thinking about a white-picket fence and two dogs. Don't worry, Lindsay. It'll work out with your lady love.

Click here to see the story.

Adding lesbians does not make your crappy show better

2008-04-22T11:00:00.000-05:00

Last night, Miss Rap Supreme took the lyrical ladies to a lesbian bar for their challenge. The rappers were supposed to rock the dyke club with sensual rhymes...yeah, that didn't happen. I don't care how you edit the show, you can't make them talented.

I think VH1 has finally created a reality show too dumb and obnoxious for me. I didn't think it was possible. I am addicted to VH1's "celebreality" shows, whether it's Surreal Life or Flavor of Love, I still watch. But honestly - they're not very good rappers. They're not very attractive women. The catfights are not nearly as good as Heather versus Daisy in Las Vegas. Without drama or talent or at least an hot girl to stare at, I don't see any reason to watch this show.

That being said, I watched it last night. In my defense, I was bored and didn't want to do all the actual work I needed to. And the more beer I drank, the better Byata was starting to look.

This episode demonstrated everything that is wrong with networks' perceptions on gay women. You know they took them to a lesbian bar in hope some of the women would reveal themselves as insecure homophobes or closet cases. There were a few comments, but overall the rappers behaved themselves. Or maybe they were hoping the women in the bar would start taking their tops off in "Girls Gone Wild" fashion. But nothing happened. Really. Just some bad rapping.

The show sucks. You can't add a bunch of lesbians and hope the dykes will tune in or at least the teenage boys. Ratings ploys only work when you have ratings.

Photo Source: VH1

Oh please be true!

2008-04-21T20:20:00.001-05:00

This may be the greatest thing ever to happen to reality television! Today, a Wikipedia page appeared announcing a new reality show - I Love Money. It will feature rejected contestants from Flavor of Love, I Love New York and Rock of Love competing in physical and mental challenges in an attempt to win $100,000. Below are the announced contestants:

Flavor of Love:
Pumkin (Season 1)
Hoopz (Season 1)
Toasteee (Season 2)
Nibblz (Season 2)
Bootz (Season 2)
Sinceer (Season 3)
Thing 1 (Season 3)
Thing 2 (Season 3)

Sinceer

I Love New York:
Chance (Season 1)
Real (Season 1)
Heat (Season 1)
12 Pack (Season 1)
Whiteboy (Season 1)
The Entertainer (Season 2)
Midget Mac (Season 2)

Rock of Love:
Heather (Season 1)
Brandi C. (Season 1)
Destiney (Season 2)
Megan (Season 2)
Kristy Jo (Season 2)

Heather

This is set to be the trashiest reality show in the history of trashy reality shows! But we still need Frenchy! Someone pull Angelique Morgan off her back and get her on this show! And while we're at it, call Rocky from "I Know My Kid's a Star." You know she and Frenchy will sit around and discuss their plastic surgeries.

Destiney

My black cotton socks quiver with antipaction of the wild drama. Here are some of my predictions:

Heather will cripple Kristy Joe emotionally before giving her the most vicious beating of her life.
Someone will attempt "midget tossing."
The Flavor of Love girls will face off with the Rock of Love girls. Between cat fights, drink throwing contests and who has rocked the back of tour bus more – I can't wait to see the drama.
Sinceer finally confesses to being part Klingon.

Rock of Love Reunion Rocked my Socks!

2008-04-21T13:16:00.000-05:00

The Rock of Love 2 Reunion Show was like reality television candy to my brain!

Frenchy announced she has quit stripping to make club appearances. Well, considering she's selling the contents of panty drawer on ebay, I don't think it's going to be a long lasting retirement. The best was when she mooned Aubry and said, "Kiss my perfect Barbie ass!" Oh my god! The only Barbie Frenchy could be is porn star Barbie with strap-on accessories. But I would still buy it.

A not-so-shocking announcement was Kristy Jo is still married. So she's still with her husband, but what about her lesbian lover Aubry? Aubry described looking at Kristy Jo, "My heart just fell out of my body." But then on the reunion she says they're just platonic friends. Yeah, right.

As the previews promised, there was a fight between Heather and Daisy! My black cotton socks are officially rocked off! Taking all bets - who pulls out whose cheap, blond extensions! They cut to commercial and Daisy was back on set but Bret had escorted Heather out the back. Aww...I was hoping there would at least be some attempted eye gouging with their fake acrylic nails.

Ambre and Bret admited they didn't entirely avoid each other after the show ended as they were supposed to. Apparently, Ambre saw the inside of his tour bus. She said the back stage scene "kinda turned me on." So is she still his Rock of Love? YES! They are both still in love and still together. Aw, there went my hope for seeing Renessa from Work Out on Rock of Love 3.

One sad announcement was Destinee's dad passed away two weeks before the reunion show. He had been diagnosed with liver cancer but it spread to his brain. He had shared a special moment with Bret when Destinee and her parents went on a bike ride to a tattoo parlor. He may have been one of the coolest people to make an appearance on the show. To make a donation in his honor, click here.

Photo Sources: VH1

The Ladies Love Chelsea Clinton

2008-04-21T12:20:00.000-05:00

Chelsea Clinton has been hitting the campaign trail for her mother and it looks like she got a little action on the side. During her tour of gay America over the weekend, one woman got a hand full of the former first daughter's behind.

Gov. Ed Rendell led Chelsea on a tour of four bars in Philadelphia's Center City neighborhood. She was mobbed by gays and lesbians hugging her and asking for pictures. "I grabbed her ass," one woman exclaimed.

Oh, really now?

I know the race is getting tight (pun absolutely intended) but is Hilary pimping out her daughter to the lesbians now? I think it's more likely that most lesbians can't resist the appeal of a femme with power and liberal ideals.

Big Gay Sketch Show makes for an awesome Sunday

2008-04-20T20:12:00.000-05:00

Today was a great Sunday. I spent the day lounging around, avoiding work at all costs and drinking hard cider with some friends. Even better, there was a marathon of "The Big Gay Sketch Show" on LOGO.

If you don't watch "The Big Gay Sketch Show," you really need to start. Julie Goldman and Kate McKinnon are without a doubt my favorite cast members. Kate plays a character named Fitzwilliam, a little girl trapped in a little boy's body searching for a vagina with his stuffed unicorn Trixie.

Click here to see Fitzwilliam.

Julie and Kate team up in several hilariously true sketches about lesbian life. Like trying to plan a drama-free birthday party, meaning no one can show up.

Click here to see them try to tell apart lesbians in a bar.

Click here to learn more about The Big Gay Sketch Show.

Some new Work Out trainers are on the wrong show

2008-04-20T17:42:00.000-05:00

I keep finding Greg Plitt more and more obnoxious. The model/actor has appeared in numerous films and television shows such as Last Call Before Sunset, Six Sex Scenes and a Murder, Days Of Our Lives, Designed to Sell, The Good Shepherd and Bobby. This is not the first time he has portrayed himself as a professional to get some reality television screen time. On two episodes of Designed to Sell, he was a carpenter. Hmm...model, actor, carpenter...now he's a trainer?

I still can't believe Greg had the gall not only to date one of his clients but also to insult Jackie Warner's new clothing line. I know he's just eye candy for the straight women and gay men who watch the show, but come on. Couldn't they find someone who would at least pretend he wasn't there for a few moments of C-list stardom?

The other new trainer I'm unsure about is Renessa Williams. The South Dakota native is a single mother of an eleven-year-old daughter and says she's looking for the right man in her Bravo bio. After watching her shamelessly flirt with her male clients, I'm wondering if she's confused Work Out with Rock of Love. She looks like a lot of the groupies vying for Bret Michaels' attention. Hmmm, will we see her on Rock of Love 3, perhaps?

Photo Source: Bravo

Lesbians still in the Top Chef game

2008-04-19T18:37:00.000-05:00

The Quick Fire Challenge to pair a dish with a beer was hilarious. Jennifer got Land Shark Lager beer and she ran her hand along her faux-hawk saying, "My hair kind of looks like a shark fin." No, it's dyke hair. I'd say around 50 percent of the lesbians I know have faux-hawks. It's not a shark fin it's a giant sign that says, "I'm queer."

Jennifer won the challenge! But Spike's bitterness came through. He told the cameras Jennifer winning was like saying, "Yeah lesbians! Here we go!" Not that Spike seemed very heterosexual when he was in the bathtub with Aussie chef Mark. People in glass houses, Spike. Jennifer was all sweet and love. In the elimination challenge, she said she was making a Greek dish as a tribute to Zoe. But her Chicken Marinated with Harissa and Quinoa Tabouli didn't win her the elimination challenge. Dale won for his Tandori Pork Ribs and Potato Salad with Golden Raisins, Dried Mango and Turmeric.

Overall, I'd say it was a dyketastic episode. Lisa was neither in the top or bottom three of the challenges so she was safe. And Jennifer won immunity so we'll be seeing them both next episode!

Win it for Zoe, Jennifer!

Photo Source: Bravo

Frenchy is looking for work

2008-04-19T17:50:00.000-05:00

Frenchy, the reality whore from Rock of Love 2, also known as stripper/porn star Angelique Morgan is looking for a gig.

She posted this message on her Myspace page today, "I've been really busy, if you want to book me for hosting event and appearances, please, leave me a comment below and I will b back to you ASAP. Thanks! God bless!"

I wonder how much she costs by the hour? I'm actually considering trying to hire her for my next birthday party. It may be the only way I can guarantee someone else will get drunk and behave worse than me.

Not content with her appearance gigs, Frenchy is selling herself on ebay. If you visit her ebay store you can bid for some of her used lingerie (I shudder to imagine what kind of bodily fluids she left in there). Her prices start at $199 or you can buy it now for $225. Really? The lingerie isn't worth that much. Touching her butt does not make things appreciate value, it makes them depreciate.

Click here to see what she's selling.

Photo Source: Frenchy's Myspace Page

Work Out Episode One - Now I Love This Show

2008-04-19T12:08:00.000-05:00

Jackie has a new girlfriend and they're already living together. Damn you, U-Haul stereotypes! It's relationships like this that make people believe the scene in "Better than Chocolate" when a couple meets, has sex and moves in together twenty-minutes later! Sigh. But good for Jackie. I hope Briana is better than her last crazy girlfriend.

Rebecca is jealous for Jackie's attention. She's acting like she's five-years-old and someone took away her favorite toy. She said, "You don't get that kind of female companionship when you have a boyfriend." Well, duh! That's what happens when you play lesbian.

The new trainer Renessa Williams may replace Rock of Love's Daisy as my favorite ditzy blond on reality television. She told the cameras, "I got into training because it's the only job I could think where I get to boss men around and they have to do what I tell them." Umm, Renessa, I can think of one or two. Then she says, "I'm very very naughty." And now I just thought of four more.

Brian Peeler continues to be a jerk. When asked why Jackie hates him, he says, "Because you can't have sex with me." Um...excuse me? What exactly do you mean by that? She hates you because she's a lesbian? She hates you because you're so hot you make her wish she liked men? Ooookay. Keep telling yourself that.

Another new trainer - Greg Plitt - has all the guys questioning their masculinity. At one point I thought they were just going to wip them out and measure them. Of course, Plitt spent most of the time leering at the clients and showing off his abs. He was arrogant enough to call himself a "living, breathing inspiration." Again - keep telling yourself that.

This was an awesome episode. The new relationships and trainers are going to make this a great, dramatic season.

I take back everything I said about this show. I now love Work Out. Even though Jackie Warner still scares me.

Photo Source: Bravo

Dyke-con of the Week!

2008-04-19T03:00:00.000-05:00

Names:
Tegan and Sara

Full Names:
Tegan Rain Quin and Sara Kiersten Quin

Why are they Dyke-cons?:
The Canadian singer/songwriter twin duo are the greatest thing to happen to lesbian music since Melissa Etheridge came out of the clost.

If you really don't understand why they're dyke-cons, then you need to go buy "The Con" album right now. For serious.

Cynthia Nixon speaks out to gay women

2008-04-18T16:26:00.000-05:00

Cynthia Nixon has appeared in a public service announcement for the Susan G. Homen for the Cure Foundation specifically directed at gay women. She notes, "we tend to visit the gynecologist less often then straight women do."

Her message really hit home for me. My family has a history of breast and ovarian cancer - I even had a cancer scare while I was still a teenager. Luckily, the tumor was benign. But being a lesbian has made going to the gyno a difficult experience for me. Maybe it's because she always gives me a dirty look every time I ask for an STD screening. I haven't even told my doctor I'm a lesbian.

Watch Cynthia's message. She's really inspired me. So visit your doctor regularly, be honest about your lifestyle and get regularly screened for breast cancer.

Click here to see the video.

Photo Source: AP Photo/Evan Agostini

My hump day celebration!

2008-04-18T15:11:00.000-05:00

Wednesday is the most underappreciated party night in Chicago.

The fabulous Holden Johnson went with me to Atmosphere for Retropolis with DJ Dragonfire. Every Wednesday, DJ Dragonfire plays the best in retro music. She even played "Creep" by TLC for me.

DJ Dragonfire

After a few hours, we moved on the Maryoke at Mary's Attic. Holden and I sang but were a little too drunk to be even remotely on key.

The real kareoke star of the night was Justin. If I didn't embarrass myself too much to show my face at Mary's Attic again, I will definitely going back just to hear him perform.

Holden Johnson dancing

Justin singing

Chicago shakes it up

2008-04-18T15:05:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posts yesterday. I discovered you should really check the expiration date on the cream cheese before you put it on your bagel. Otherwise you'll realize a few hours later it expired two weeks ago. And that is not a pleasent discovery.

Chicago woke up to an unpleasent discovery this morning. An earthquake. I slept right through it because it's going to take more than an earthquake to wake me up at 4:36 am. Maybe a tsunami. So far there have been no injuries and only minor damage reports.

Read about the earthquake here.

Velvet Park Interview with Khyentse James

2008-04-16T18:10:00.000-05:00

Velvet Park Magazine's Grace Moon recently interviewed Khyentse James, Executive Director of the Estrojam Music and Culture Festival.

Estrojam is a music and social change revolution that seeks to inspire women and activists by giving female artists a place to express their voice. Last year's performers included ESG, Bahamedia, Suffrajett, 8 Inch Betsy, Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, and Margaret Cho. The non-profit works with various charities such as Women's Equity in Access to Care and Treatment and Girls Rock! Chicago.

Listen to the interview here.

Click here to learn more about Estrojam.

MiRod does not return my love

2008-04-16T15:33:00.000-05:00

Michelle Rodriguez told Latina magazine she does not appreciate the journalists and bloggers constantly trying to force her out of the closet:

"I picture them turning into pigs, slime coming out the side of their mouth, and I picture them jerking off. I don't answer those questions. I just keep it to myself and it's nobody's business. If I wanna f*** a girl, a boy, a dog—that's my business. That's why there's bathroom doors."

Ouch!

Well, on behalf of all bloggers everywhere - I apologize. Coming out is a sensitive issue as any gay man or woman knows. It is only out of love - and selfish desire - that we keep pushing for an answer.

I love you, MiRod. Even if you hate me.

Click here to read the Latina Magazine article.

Photo Source: MiRod's Myspace Page

Michelle Rodriguez is my one true love

2008-04-15T19:45:00.000-05:00

Michelle Rodriguez posted a blog on Myspace for all her adoring fans. I re-typed it for you here because she wrote in all caps and that drives me nuts:

"My deepest apologies for being so aloof lately, I just needed a couple of months of complete disconnect to position myself and get back on track. I hope you guys enjoy this coming year and the group effort messages the films I've worked on have to offer (with the exception of FF4 it's an action flick, just for fun and ass kicking purposes). I'm currently paying my debts to society with some highway clean up, working on 'Fast and Furious Four' briefly, sharpening up on some proper Spanish for my passion project 'Tropico de Sangre', and in June I'll be taking off to Italy to write my long awaited feature film project...I would love to answer any questions you guys have about anything that tickles your curiosity this week, so please; feel free to start asking, whether its here on my space or on the fly official site Leigh has hooked up for those that wish to connect."

Yeah! I'm so excited! I haven't seen the last Fast and Furious movie because, really, there's no point without Michelle. But now I can't wait! I'm also really excited to see what she does for her first feature film. I wonder what's she's going to write about? I'm going to imagine something like "Girlfight" meets "D.E.B.S." Oh, yeah. That's my happy place.

I'm even more excited she's answering fans' questions. Maybe she'll finally admit how dyketastic is. Please? For me?

To ask Michelle a question, visit her Myspace page.

Photo Source: Michelle Rodriguez's Myspace Page

Cynthia Nixon is a Survivor

2008-04-15T19:15:00.001-05:00

Today, Cynthia Nixon spoke to Good Morning America about her battle with breast cancer two years ago. Her doctor found a small lump in her right breast during a mammogram. She had surgery followed by six and a half weeks of radiation, but kept her condition a secret from the public.

"I didn't really want to make it public while I was going through it. I didn't want paparazzi at the hospital, that kind of thing," she said in the interview.

Christine Marinoni, Cynthia's girlfriend, was there for her but took her illness hard. "My girlfriend was very scared," Cynthia told Good Morning America. "We made a big point of talking to my kids about it."

Cynthia will next year become the official spokesperson for the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation. She told Good Morning America about her new role, "I want them most to hear me saying that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. So the only thing to really be afraid of is if you don't go get your mammograms, because there's some part of you that doesn't want to know, and that's the thing that's going to trip you up. That's the thing that could have a really bad endgame."

Learn more about Cynthia's inspiring story in The Huffington Post

To donate or learn more about the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation click here.

Photo Source: Walter McBride/Retna Ltd.

I'm scared of Jackie Warner

2008-04-15T16:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I admitted Johnny Depp makes me a bad lesbian. Well, so does my fear of Jackie Warner. I think some of it is just a natural aversion to exercise of any kind (unless lifting a drink counts). My roommate is obsessed with the show Work Out and oddly so is my mother. She called me during the second season to suggest I get my hair cut like that "nice lesbian on Bravo." Apparently, my hair isn't a "nice" dyke hair.

With the third season coming up, I decided to think about why I love and hate Work Out.

Why I Love Work Out:
1. Hot women. Sweaty hot women. 'Nuf said.
2. A show that finally shows a lesbian not as a straight male fantasy but as an athelitic, successful, powerful entrepenuer. Now that's progress.
3. The drama outside the gym is amazing. Jackie's relationship with trainer Rebecca Cardon was dyketastically dramatic.

Why I Hate Work Out:
1. Jackie Warner scares me. Yes, she's very attractive but watching her yell at clients and her employees intimidates me. I'm all for a powerful, aggressive woman but hearing her tell everyone to get off their fat butts feels like she's telling me to put down the cigarettes and the beer. And that's just not going to happen.
2. The show feels a lot like a guilt trip. I keep looking at my little paunch and feeling lazy. Maybe that's because I am.
3. The death of Doug Blasdell. It was so sad and devastating when Blasdell suddenly passed away. The show feels a little tragic to me now.

In the end, it's a tie. I'm going to watch this season and make sure I watch it with a light beer.

To read more about the upcoming season, check out AfterEllen.com.

Photo Source: Bravo

Jackie Burkhart Got Hot!

2008-04-15T15:00:00.000-05:00

Wow. Mila Kunis got hot. She looked amazing at the LA Premiere of "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." I really liked her in "That 70's Show" but she looked so young in it. Looks like she's all grown up. I was only going to see the movie before because it had that guy from "How I Met Your Mother" in it but now I have a whole new reason.

She's on her way to rivaling Michelle Rodriguez for my devotion. She's already got a fantastically crappy horror movie in "American Psycho II" that is definitely better than MiRod's "The Breed." All she needs is a dyketastic independent feature even half as good as "Girlfight."

Photo Source: AP, Dan Steinberg

Dyketastic Short Film

2008-04-14T19:49:00.000-05:00

And I thought I was an obsessive music fan.

The short film "JO FM" showed on LOGO last night and it was incredibly awesome. It's about an obsessive fan who kidnaps a radio station DJ. The director Jenn Garrison is brilliant and the film offers a great commentary on how consumerism has replaced individuality with corporate ideology.

Click Here to See the Movie

Photo Source: LOGO online

Johnny Depp Makes Me a Bad Lesbian

2008-04-14T12:07:00.000-05:00

I was watching The Tudors last night and realized I totally have a crush on Jonathan Rhys Myers. It was a terrifying moment of realization. I occasionally get crushes on really hot male celebrities and spend about five minutes having an identity crisis. Then I start thinking about Michelle Rodriguez and everything goes back to normal. So in honor of my brief identity crisis, I decided to share my top three man crushes.

1. Jonathan Rhys Meyers
I found him strangely alluring when I first saw him in The Velvet Underground but it is his portrayal of King Henry VIII that makes me shift in my seat. His fits of arrogant rage and intensity are strangely mesmerizing.

Photo Source: Showtime

2. Johnny Depp
Does this one really need an explination? I was drinking with a male friend of mine and after way too many shots of whiskey, we started talking about men. We both came to the conclusion he would go gay and I would go straight for Johnny Depp. He has the univeral sexiness that can change a person's sexual orientation with his pirate swagger.

Photo Source: People

3. Colin Firth
Mr. Darcy has had women swooning for centuries but only Colin Firth could give Jane Austen's greatest hero the look and the soul that made me envy Elizabeth Bennet. Even if it was just for a few minutes.

Photo Source: http://www.pemberley.com/

Was Rock of Love Dyketastic?

2008-04-14T11:25:00.000-05:00

Bret Michaels has chosen Ambre as his Rock of Love. He totally made the right call. Ambre seems like she has it together, at least more so than Daisy. She's one stripper pole and two tequila shots away from an amatuer porn career. Although, a grainy sex tape might revitalize Bret Michaels' career. It's not like he's ever going to have a hit single again.

My favorite line of the episode was Ambre talking about Daisy. She said, "Surgery can make me hotter but surgery is not going to make her smarter." Hilarious! I'm pretty sure the major surgery Daisy had was having a nozzle attached. That way she can be inflated for television appearances and be deflated again for easy storage.

I don't care so much about the finale though. I just can't wait for the reunion episode for several reasons. I've been watching the previews and it looks like Heather is going to beat the crap out of Daisy! Oh hell yes! My black cotton socks quiver in anticipation. Also, I can't wait to see Frenchy again. My life has been incomplete without the Eurotrash that is Angelique Morgan. But the final reason I can't wait for the reunion show - lesbian drama! That's right, a special insinuated that there was a little girl-on-girl action going on right under Bret's nose. It seems Kristy Jo and Aubry were more interested in each other than in winning Bret's heart. Oh really now?

You know she's screaming, "Kristy Joooooooo!"

Photo Source: VH1.com

Boiz, Burlesque and Booze! Oh my!

2008-04-13T17:46:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to Spin to see some of my favorite dykes perform in a drag king and burlesque show for Bring in Spring. There were performances by Miles Long, Claire de Lune, Miss Tamale, Red Hot Annie, Belle, Brick Brockwell, Hugh Jardon, Seymore Booty, Candyland and others. Emcee Jenna D. was hilarious and the music was great.

The fabulous Holden Johnson was out in full force and watching him grind with Candyland made my night. Oh, Holden. You rock my black cotton socks. Even better was seeing the always sexy Tamale with a beard -something I've never seen before and hope to see again. Although, let's be honest - I'll be happy seeing Tamale anytime and in anything.

Only two things bothered me last night. Bitch to Quit, Howard Brown's smoking cessation group, was getting money from the evening and had a table set up in the back. I think smoking is an informed decision and I choose to smoke a pack a day. Yeah, I know it's going to kill me and I don't need your pamphlet to tell me that. Leave me to my nicotine addiction. The only other thing that bothered me was my camera battery died halfway through the show. So I have pictures I'm excited to share but not of all the performers. Next time I'll remember to charge the battery before I go.

Click Here to See the NSFW Slideshow!

I watched Rock of Love...and now I'm gay

2008-04-12T12:58:00.000-05:00

I have an unhealthy obsession with the show Rock of Love. It's so wonderfully tacky. But it's a love/hate relationship. So much so I have had two nightmares about it.

In the first nightmare, I was trapped in the Rock of Love house as a contestant and no matter how many times I told them I was gay, they wouldn't let me leave. I woke up after Bret Michaels kissed me and I thought I was going to be sick. The second was last night. I was again trapped in the house but this time I couldn't get eliminated. So finally I stole one of his bikes and took off.

After the last dream, I decided to examine why I love and hate Rock of Love.

Why I Love Rock of Love:
1. Frenchy. Seriously, it doesn't get better than Angelique Morgan. The stripper/porn star/reality whore is the greatest thing to happen to television since TiVo.
2. Daisy. One of the final two left on the show, I can't stop looking at her - she looks like a Bratz doll come to life. She seems perpetually confused about where she is. I think she's a groupie who wandered into the house and is too stoned to find the door.
3. Drunken debauchery and cat fights.
4. Bret's motorcycles. If you squint at the television when he's riding them, it looks like a really hot butch riding them. Well, if you squint and take a few shots of whiskey.

Daisy

Why I Hate Rock of Love:
1. Who gives a crap about Bret Michaels? I haven't heard or thought about the band Poison in years.
2. He is responsible for the song "Every Rose Has It's Thorns." For that reason alone, he deserves every sexually transmitted disease he got from Frenchy. I swear to all that is unholy, if I hear one more drunken idiot's off-key kareoke version of that song, I'm going to beat them senseless with the microphone.

Frenchy

Dyke-con of the Week!

2008-04-12T12:44:00.000-05:00

Name:
Mandana Jones

Why she is a dyke-con:
Jones plays the fabulous lesbian Nicki Wade on BBC's drama Bad Girls. After a police officer tried to rape her girlfriend, Nicki killed him and was sent to prison. There she fell in love with Helen - a "straight" administrator - and after she was released on appeal the two disappeared from the show to a happyily ever after. Jones is hot and Nicki is an incredible character. Check out the show on LOGO and see why Jones is a dykeon.

Photo Source: Shed Media

Why won't you let me love you?

2008-04-11T19:00:00.001-05:00

Today I found out I broke one of my right ribs. I now understand what people mean by "blinding pain." The other day, I was leaning over in my car and my rib hurt so bad I saw a flash of white light, felt an incredible stabbing pain and thought I was going to pass out. Every time I move, breathe or twist the wrong way I'm overcome with pain. The doctor gave me some Vicodin but I'm too scared to take it. Painkillers freak me out.

So in honor of my horrible pain, I've decided to make a list of the top three lesbians who make me hurt on the inside.

1. Heather Poe:
Heather is the partner of Mary Cheney, Vice President Dick Cheney's daughter. I'd be scared to touch any of Cheney's spawn just in case his concentrated evil turned his daughter's bodily fluids into corrosive acid. But while Mary can't help who her father is, Heather has chosen to affiliate herself with the Cheney family. Honestly, what self-respecting lesbian would allow herself anywhere near a man who is so evil even Death won't touch him anymore? (How else would he survive four heart attacks?) Heather, don't give in to the dark side! Use the force, Heather, use the force!

Photo source: austinchronicle.com

2. Jodie Foster:
In her December 2007 award acceptance speech at the Hollywood Reporter's Women in Entertainment breakfast, she thanked her long time "friend" Cydney Bernard. A lot of people are interpreting it as her great coming out. But it only frustrates me more! Please, Jodie. Just come out. Just say it. No more of this dancing around. Why won't you let me love you, Jodie? Please! Let me love you!

Photo Source: Reuters

3. Rosie O'Donnell:
I used to love Rosie. Back in the day when she was perky and had a talk show I loved her. She still does a lot of wonderful things like Rosie's For All Kids and R Family Vacations. But for the love of all that is unholy, Rosie - shut up. Really. Just shut up even if it's for five seconds. I don't understand how you keep managing to piss everyone off. Sure, Trump is a jerk and Elisabeth Hasselbeck is Coulter-lite. But it doesn't help when your tirades manage to alienate all public support. Before you speak or blog, just take a moment and think about who you are going to piss off.

Photo Source: AP

To Heather, Jodie and Rosie - please, let me love you again.

Elisabeth Röhm is a Mom!

2008-04-11T16:54:00.000-05:00

Elisabeth Röhm has given birth to a daughter Easton August Anthony Wooster with her fiance Ron Wooster.

Elisabeth played Assistant District Attorney Serena Southerlyn on Law and Order from 2001-2005. The character made a dyketastic exit when Elisabeth left the series. The District Attorney (played by Fred Thompson) fired her and she asked if it was because she was lesbian. He assured her it wasn't but in that moment I swear I heard lesbians around the country shout for joy. There had been no mention of her sexuality up to that point so I think it was a little bit of a half-assed attempt to work a gay character in the show. But I'll take it because Elisabeth is hot.

On a side note, I have heard unconfirmed rumors that although Elisabeth is engaged to man, she is bisexual. A dyketastic friend of mine met a very drunk Elisabeth in a bar and says she got a kiss or two. But one of Elisabeth's friends quickly got rid of her photographic evidence. I'd like to think my friend is telling the truth and Elisabeth enjoys a lady every now and then, but since I don't know for sure I guess I can only dream. But it's such a pretty dream.

Congratulations, Elisabeth!

Photo Source: Jim Spellman, Wireimage.com

Top Chef Gets a Little Less Dyketastic

2008-04-10T01:00:00.000-05:00

It was a bittersweet episode of Top Chef tonight. Dyketastic Lisa won the elements elimination challenge with her miso smoked bacon but Jennifer's lover Zoi was sent home for an underseasoned mushroom salad.

While it's exciting to see one of our sapphic sisters win a challenge, I'm sad to see Zoi and Jennifer split up. I'm rooting for Jennifer now. Win it for Zoi, Jennifer!

Lisa's winning dish reminded me of why I love Top Chef. I can actually say the show changed my life. I was a vegetarian for ten years before Top Chef Season 3. I was watching it and I suddenly realized - I can't eat anything they're cooking! In a decade of meat-free existence, I never thought I was missing out on anything until Top Chef. I am now a happy omnivore with a passion for cheeseburgers and bacon. I really want to figure out how to make Lisa's bacon. It's seeing food like that on television that made me start clogging my arteries again.

The Fire team's winning dish

The Earth team's losing dish

Photo source: Bravo

Why aren't we picking on Mrs. McCain?

2008-04-07T13:30:00.000-05:00

One of the most common criticisms I hear about Hillary Clinton has nothing to do with her policies – it’s her husband. Even during the Democratic Presidential debate, the moderator asked how she would be able to “control” Bill if she was elected President. As the media and Republicans focus on her marriage instead of her campaign, I can’t help but think she is being singled out from all the other candidates.

Why aren’t we looking at our possible First Ladies as much as we do our potential First Man? The most obvious example is Cindy McCain. The former rodeo beauty queen and daughter of a wealthy Arizona is eighteen years younger than her husband. While John McCain was married to his first wife Carol, he had an affair with the younger, blonder woman who had millions in the bank. Within one month of his divorce, McCain married Cindy.

We picked on Bill Clinton for having an affair so I think it’s only fair with pick on John McCain for how he treated his first wife. McCain touts himself as a war hero but never mentions what his wife went through when he was in Vietnam. While he was a P.O.W., she was in a terrible car accident that left her permanently injured. According to the U.S. Veteran Dispatch, the accident left her four inches shorter and forced her to use crutches. Instead of reaching out for his support, she refused to tell her husband because she didn’t want him to hear bad news while he was a P.O.W. I can’t help but be amazed at the strength it must have taken to endure such tragedy – a crippling accident and a husband trapped across the globe in losing war.

Cindy, on the other hand, is a former drug addict who embezzled from a charity she ran. The Times reported on February 3rd how in the early nineties she was addicted to painkillers and stole pills from the American Voluntary Medical Team, a charity that send mobile medical facilities into war zones. When the federal government started investigating, a panicked Cindy called her Senator husband to make the charges disappear. And they did. In 1994, she went into rehab and the charges were dropped.

When Bill Clinton had an affair with Monica Lewinsky and lied about it, the country crucified him. When John McCain helped his drug addicted wife get out of trouble, no one said a word. Now that Hillary Clinton and John McCain are both running for President, why are we so obsessed with Bill Clinton and not Cindy McCain?

American politics would be a lot better place without swiftboating and mudslinging. But as long as we’re playing dirty, I say share the blame.

Cindy McCain and John McCain

Dyke-con of the Week!

2008-04-06T15:12:00.000-05:00

Name: Nancy

Why is she a dyke-con?: Nancy is married to Thomas, a transgender man pregnant with their child. The couple have been making the media rounds everywhere from Oprah to People magazine. I can't help but love Nancy for sharing her and Thomas' experience with the world.

Photo source: Harpo Productions, Inc.

Top Chef is Dyketastic

2008-04-06T14:54:00.000-05:00

I love Top Chef. Hell, I love almost anything on the Poor Man’s Showtime (aka Bravo). But I particularly love this season because there are three – count them, three! – lesbians on this season in Chicago.

Lisa, Zoi and Jennifer are all still in the competition and I’m thrilled. Usually, Top Chef has one token lesbian competitor who gets eliminated in the first few episodes. Considering all past three winners have been men, I’d like to see a woman win this time around and bonus points if she is dyketastic.

It’s particularly interesting that Zoi and Jennifer are a couple competing against each other. I couldn’t imagine being in a competition with anyone I was dating. It just seems like the ultimate relationship killer. I mean, what happens if Zoi takes the last of the parmesan? Or Jennifer gets caught make goo-goo eyes at Padima? It’s just a recipe for drama. But then again, what in a lesbian relationship isn’t a recipe for drama? (Get it? Recipe? Top Chef? Shut up, it’s a good pun).

I don’t think any of them are particularly brilliant chefs, but I don’t think anyone on this show is a particularly amazing chef. If I wanted to watch a real cooking competition I’d watch Iron Chef America and mentally undress Cat Cora. Oh wait...I do. I love cooking shows even though I can’t cook. Seriously, I can’t. When I was living at home, my family had an intervention and banned me from trying to make chocolate chip cookies. They said it was just cruel and unusual treatment of food products. I am the culinary version of Dick Cheney.

Lisa

Zoi

Jennifer

Photos Source: Bravo

What is Dyketastic?

2008-04-01T03:15:00.000-05:00

Dyketastic: anything absolutely, fabulously, fantastically lesbian

Dyketastic is a word some friends and I started using a few years ago to describe those things that are awesomely gay. Biker chick with a mullet? Dyketastic. Melissa Etheridge? Dyketastic.

This is a blog devoted to the things I love, the things I hate and all things dyketastic.